I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
