Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
