Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
