xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
