I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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