yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
