This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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