Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
