did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do herpes really smell.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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