hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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