I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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