Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
