Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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