We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
