Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
