I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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