Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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