I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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