My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
