And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
