Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
