Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
