he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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