I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
