I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
