legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
