i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
whose parrot is this?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
