The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize