i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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