I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
