hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
