Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
