but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize