woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
