am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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