he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Holy shit dude........stairs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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