chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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