Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
