I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
