Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
