Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
