Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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