You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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