I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
