I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
