I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
