people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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