the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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