I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
