Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
