Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
