If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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