I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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