woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
they're like a gay fantastic four
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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