Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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