I am puke
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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