Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
