why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
one two three fourrrrnication!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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