If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
