I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
