my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
two words: eviction party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize