so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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