he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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