if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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