i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
