i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
