He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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