Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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