what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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