Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?

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(325): View more from Texas

Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.

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(206): View more from Washington

buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

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(813): View more from Florida

Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.

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(478): View more from Georgia

How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses

(770): View more from Georgia

We'll talk about it later...

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(850): View more from Florida

Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.

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(773): View more from Illinois

death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life

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