Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
