My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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