I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
