I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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