He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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