So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
