Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
