New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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