Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
