this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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