this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
