I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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