remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
