i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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