Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
