i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
