So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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