so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
