is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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