Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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