Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hippo gnu deer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
