Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
