if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
