he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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