So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize