i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
