you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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