I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
