Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize