he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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