he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
