I faked an abortion last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
