So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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