In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
